Turkey and Parsnips

Every year Christmas comes and goes but nothing ever changes at my house. Mum bought Dad a DVD box set which was essentially for her, my brother got me a set of penguin shaped comedy key covers whereas he poured the bottle of vodka I bought him in to 4 equal measures and sold it on to his friends (raking in a hefty profit). I did also buy him some socks. Not my greatest gift idea to date. But what we don't often find in gifts, we can sometimes find in family. I realised this Christmas that I have actually been in the presence of a comedy duo year after year; my elderly grandmother and her slightly neurotic sister Beryl, and never before fully appreciated the genius of their never-ending twitterings and mumbles, all uttered without a hint of irony nor a second thought. I thought I would share some of the golden moments from the day. A snapshot of Christmas 2009, from me to you.

Beryl: He's got everything a man should have Carey Grant
Nan: He's alright like. Not my favourite.
Beryl: Well...you're deluded.

Beryl: Mary was, essentially, a you-know-what
Nan: What's that Beryl? A prostitute
Beryl: A prostitute then. To put not too fine a point on it.

Me: Oh I'm tired now that I've eaten
Nan: Hmm (nodding towards the dog basket) you can tell by the dog, he always goes to sleep after he's eaten
Me: Nana he's not in there. That's a teddy bear
Nan: Look, he's just sleeping away over there
Me: Nana, that's a teddy bear
Nan: Oh is it? I haven't got my glasses on.

Beryl: I'll tell you what, i'm not impressed by that Lady Gaga
Nan: Oh that gogo woman. She's horrendous. I thought it was a clown. She wore a big red thing. Fancy wearing that hey. Fancy wearing that.